Ron’s Blog

Merry f-ing Xmas to you too

There’s some talk in the air about wishing “Merry Xmas”, from the bullshit of Rush Limbaugh to some good sense at the Washington Post. So I’ll give my two cents.

I don’t celebrate Xmas; it’s a Xian holiday marking the mythical birth of their mythical messiah, and so it’s not my holiday. I don’t object to the Xians celebrating; they can celebrate what they want. And although I wish we non-Xians would establish our solidarity in not celebrating their religious holiday, I understand and mostly don’t condemn non-Xians who decide under pressure of family ties or their own personal history to embrace “secular” Xmas.

Although here in New York, people are more likely to do “Happy Holidays” (thanks no doubt to the fact that we have more Jews here than in most of the country), I still occasionally get a “Merry Xmas”. I’m not offended; it’s usually offered in a spirit of at least faux warmth. On the other hand, since it’s clearly offered with the presumption that it’s my holiday too (unlike, say, when I wish someone a Happy Darwin Day), I usually try to be pleasant but also correct the faulty assumption. So, my stock answer is “Not my holiday, actually; but thanks anyway.” Sometimes the person seems slightly flustered and perhaps a tiny bit embarrassed at this, which seems like a mostly healthy reaction. Rarely do they seem at all huffy. Sometimes they ask me about Hanukkah.

But now that I’m the father of a 5-year-old, we get a little different taste: People ask my son if he’s “excited for Santa to come” or some such thing. This I actually do find annoying. In fact, when the family went to a local restaurant for supper last Saturday, my son got two of these inquiries. And he has been taught that the appropriate answer is “We don’t celebrate Xmas.”

And when he gives this answer, it’s clear the person who asked is embarrassed. I’d like to think it’s because they’ve just been given a little remedial lesson in inclusiveness by somebody who still likes a sippy cup, and sometimes it is. But come on, folks, think a little. I know you’re trying to be nice to my son. But unless you just think we’re monsters for not doing Xmas (and you probably wouldn’t, if we were Jews instead of Atheists), you’ve got to be able to recognize that saying to a kid what amounts to “looking forward to all those presents? oh, what’s that, you don’t get those? you poor deprived child!” isn’t making his life happier. Aside from the whole creepiness of the imaginary old fat guy who sneaks into your house through the chimney in the middle of the night story, it’s really not very decent of you to ask a 5-year-old to think about the ways he might be excluded from something like this.

So, shut up. If a kid is talking about Xmas, or wearing a Santa hat, or whatever, fine. But asking random small children how excited they might be about the pile of loot that comes to all good kids on Xmas morning is pretty insensitive.

Another year, and we’ll have taught him to say all that.